Pope Orders Silence
After accidental leak of “Project Sanctum,” Vatican deploys AI confession drones and blames everything on Soros and a printer from 1997.
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Trump Claims He’s the “True Pope” After Finding Hidden Chapel in Mar-a-Lago Sauna
Elon Musk offers to 3D-print new Vatican on Mars, Viganò says it's all part of “the Final Schism,” China denies everything but offers incense.
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Leaked Vatican Memo Claims Trump, Musk, and Viganò Were Part of Secret Papal Coup Financed by China to Stop Soros From Baptizing the Moon
Anonymous source says Pope was nearly replaced with an AI clone powered by MyPillow and incense.
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Christian Right Declares War on Empathy: “Feelings Are a Gateway Drug to Socialism”
From pulpits to podcasts, compassion is now being rebranded as moral weakness—and possibly communist.
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University of Houston Student Outraged Hinduism Isn’t Taught Like His Aunt’s WhatsApp Forwards
Political science major files complaint after discovering college professors teach religion using books.
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Arizona’s Christians Now Outnumbered by People Who Believe in “Vibes”
Pew survey reveals more Arizonans now believe in sage smoke, astrology, and “something out there” than in organized religion.
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Tesla Rapture
Elon Musk announces electric Judgment Day: "Only verified users get into Heaven"
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