BREAKING NEWS:

Trump Suspends All Tariffs Except China’s: “Everyone Can Kiss My Ass—Except Xi, He Can Wait in Line” • Fur and Fury: Lab Mice Exposed to 4chan Begin Hoarding Beans, Quoting Conspiracies • Trump Slaps Tariffs on Everything That Isn't Trump: “Oxygen Will Be Taxed Unless Inhaled Through My Bronze” • BREAKING: Constitution Replaced by Freedom+™ Subscription Model • Musk Fires Himself for Incompetence, Replaced by AI That Hates Him

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