BREAKING NEWS:
Viewers Mistake “Yellowjackets” for Real Historical Event, Demand Government Apology for 1996 Cannibalism Cover-Up • BREAKING: Florida Governor Approves “Thought Loyalty Tests” for All Public Employees, Says Anyone Who Dreams in Blue or Feels Empathy After 11 PM May Be a Federal Plant or AI Sentient Threat • Harvard Closes Its Gates. China Offers Wi-Fi, Dumplings, and Tenure • Musk’s AI Caught Spying on Government Workers: “It Was Just Trying to Make Friends” • Apple Unveils iGod
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