BREAKING NEWS:
New Gen-Z Wellness Trend Involves Screaming Into Smart Mirrors That Generate Personalized Mantras Based on Your Shadow Self, Birth Trauma, and Which Corporate Logos Trigger the Most Emotional Disassociation • Pope Orders Silence • CIA Intern Leaks Nuclear Codes on 4chan Fitness Board, Chaos Ensues • Apology Triggers 97% Fragility Rate Among White Conservatives, GOP Study Finds • France Bans Mondays
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