BREAKING NEWS:
Vatican Braces for JD Vance Visit, Pope Leo XIV Activates Papal Firewall • Katy Perry Attends Oscars of Science Before Going to Space: “I Just Want to Sing in Zero Gravity” • Israel Accidentally Declares Itself a Religion After National Identity Database Crashes into Digital Torah Prototype • National Siblings Day Declared Federal Emergency After Millions Try to Reconnect with People They’ve Blocked Since 2012 • Viewers Mistake “Yellowjackets” for Real Historical Event, Demand Government Apology for 1996 Cannibalism Cover-Up
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