News so fake, it might as well be real

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Man Becomes His Own Boss, Quits After a Month Citing “Toxic Self” • Obama Divorce Rumors Spark Chaos: "Even Hope and Change Are Sleeping in Separate Rooms" • New Gen-Z Wellness Trend Involves Screaming Into Smart Mirrors That Generate Personalized Mantras Based on Your Shadow Self, Birth Trauma, and Which Corporate Logos Trigger the Most Emotional Disassociation • U.S. and Iran to Restart Nuclear Talks in Oman: “Nothing Says Peace Like a Neutral Desert and a Thousand Microphones” • Trump’s Brainstem Breaks Silence
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Privacy Policy

Last updated: April 2025

1. Introduction

Welcome to Filthee.news ("we," "our," or "us"). At Filthee.news, we take your privacy as seriously as we take our satirical news—which is to say, not very seriously at all. However, this is a real privacy policy that explains how we collect, use, and share information about you when you visit our website.

2. Information We Collect

We collect information in the following ways:

  • Information you provide to us: We collect information you provide when you subscribe to our newsletter, comment on articles, fill out our contact form, or otherwise interact with our website.
  • Automatic information: When you visit our site, we automatically collect information about your device and your visit, including your IP address, browser type, operating system, referring URLs, pages visited, and time spent on our site.
  • Cookies and similar technologies: We use cookies and similar technologies to track your use of our website and gather information about your browsing activities. You can control cookies through your browser settings.

3. How We Use Your Information

We use the information we collect to:

  • Provide, maintain, and improve our website
  • Send you newsletters and other communications
  • Respond to your comments and questions
  • Understand how users interact with our site
  • Personalize your experience and the content we show you
  • Protect against fraud and abuse
  • Make jokes at your expense (just kidding, maybe)

4. Sharing of Information

We may share your information with:

  • Service providers: Companies that perform services on our behalf, such as hosting, analytics, and email delivery.
  • Advertisers: We may share aggregated or pseudonymized information with advertisers to help them reach their target audiences.
  • Legal requirements: When required by law or to protect our rights and the rights of others.

5. Your Choices

You have several choices regarding the information we collect and how it's used:

  • Account information: You can update or delete your account information by contacting us.
  • Cookies: You can manage cookie preferences through your browser settings.
  • Communications: You can opt out of receiving our newsletter by clicking the unsubscribe link in any email.

6. Data Security

We take reasonable measures to protect your information from unauthorized access, use, or disclosure. However, no website or internet transmission is completely secure, so we cannot guarantee the absolute security of your data.

7. Children's Privacy

Our website is not directed at children under 13, and we do not knowingly collect personal information from children under 13. If you believe we have collected information from a child under 13, please contact us.

8. Changes to This Policy

We may update this Privacy Policy from time to time. If we make significant changes, we will notify you by posting a notice on our website or by sending you an email.

9. Contact Us

If you have any questions about this Privacy Policy, please contact us at privacy@filthee.news.

Note: Filthee.news is a satirical website. While this privacy policy represents our actual practices regarding user data, we want to remind you that the content on our site is fictional and should not be taken seriously.

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Support our satirical fact factories!

Every dollar helps us hire more professional liars journalists. We promise to use your money for incredibly vital purposes, like caffeine and therapy sessions.