BREAKING NEWS:
Trump Declares Borders Are Feelings: Harvard Now a Threat Vector • Viewers Mistake “Yellowjackets” for Real Historical Event, Demand Government Apology for 1996 Cannibalism Cover-Up • Nikola Tesla Torches Cybertruck Lot, Declares Musk “A False Prophet of the Coil” • Trump Claims He’s the “True Pope” After Finding Hidden Chapel in Mar-a-Lago Sauna • New Gen-Z Wellness Trend Involves Screaming Into Smart Mirrors That Generate Personalized Mantras Based on Your Shadow Self, Birth Trauma, and Which Corporate Logos Trigger the Most Emotional Disassociation
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