Trouble is brewing in the cul-de-sac.

What began as a routine Homeowners Association enforcement cycle has escalated into a full-blown ceramic insurgency. After receiving seventeen citations from the Sunset Hills HOA, a local lawn gnome—previously known as Gerry—has reportedly radicalized, assumed the nom de guerre “Comrade Terracotta,” and formed a militia operating out of Maple Circle’s east-facing flowerbed.

Once considered a kitschy yard accent with a tilted hat and a missing foot, Gerry is now seen donning camouflage lichen, wielding a toothpick spear, and issuing anti-HOA manifestos via QR codes left inside garden lanterns.

✦ THE TIPPING POINT

Neighbors say the first signs of unrest began last fall, when the HOA issued Gerry’s owners, the Breckmans, a formal notice citing the gnome’s “non-regulation posture,” “failure to blend with decorative pebbles,” and the especially contentious “unapproved hat color”—a defiant shade of postmodern crimson.

“He used to smile,” said Patty Wexler, who lives across the street. “Now he just stares—like he’s calculating fertilizer ratios... for revenge.”

After months of what the HOA described as “willful non-compliance,” tensions erupted when HOA board president Carol Dimsley discovered a tiny shovel stabbed into her prize rosebush. Taped to the handle was a scrap of mulch bag that read:
“No more mandates. No more mowing. Liberty or litter.”

Dimsley has since retreated to her sister’s timeshare in Sedona under what sources refer to as “spiritual witness relocation.”

✦ THE FRONT YARD LIBERATION FRONT

Comrade Terracotta now leads what has become the Front Yard Liberation Front (FYLF), a coalition of:

  • two plastic flamingos with DIY eye-patches,

  • a wind spinner allegedly radicalized after a windstorm decapitated its butterfly blade,

  • and a ceramic frog last seen croaking over a burning Yankee Candle.

Their mission is clear: abolish the HOA and establish a decentralized ornamental republic.

“We seek a f

Keep Reading on:

Continue on Patreon