WASHINGTON, D.C. — What was supposed to be a bipartisan measure to “protect the integrity of American elections” has spiraled into something much more existentially terrifying, after rumors spread that the newly proposed SAVE Act may include hidden language allowing AI systems to scan citizens for “patriotic sincerity” using their Real IDs and browser history.

Introduced with the public goal of preventing non-citizen voting, the SAVE Act (Safeguard American Voter Eligibility) has quickly become a lightning rod for conspiracy theories, biometric anxiety, and sharpie-resistant voter skepticism.

“They said it’s about ID,” said one concerned citizen from Georgia. “But I’ve read 14 threads on X that say this is actually about creating a national ‘Loyalty Score.’ My cousin already got flagged for googling ‘how to spell democracy.’”

Lawmakers: “We just wanted to see who’s real”

In a press conference held in an undisclosed strip mall near the Pentagon, sponsors of the bill emphasized that “the Act is about voting security, not dystopian surveillance.”

Representative Clay Burndale (R–TN) explained:

“We just think people should show ID when they vote. If that ID happens to include retina scans, tax compliance records, and a karaoke score from 2009, that’s just bonus data.”

Democrats responded with carefully curated outrage, with Senator Willa Merriweather (D–NY) stating:

“We agree in principle, but also want to include carbon neutrality ratings, TikTok history, and whether or not your dog is emotionally secure.”

AI-assisted voting booths may “nudge the anxious”

According to a leaked DHS draft memo, future implementation of SAVE Act technology could involve AI-driven booths that offer emotional support, ballot clarity—and occasional “patriotic corrections” if your answers appear indecisive.

One prototype reportedly said:

“Are you sure you don’t want to vote Republican this time? You seemed a little guilty just now.”

“Real ID” becomes “Real Intrusive Data”

The SAVE Act links directly to the Real ID system, already controversial for combining driver’s licenses with federal data requirements. Under the new proposal, Real ID may sync with social media platforms to validate eligibility.

A whistleblower claims the government is beta testing a national trust algorithm that flags accounts using the phrases “lizard people,” “deep state,” or “Taylor Swift is a psyop.”

Meanwhile, TSA agents at select airports have started asking travelers:

“Who did you vote for last time? No pressure, we just ask everybody that... now.”

X.com melts down: “SAVE = Surveillance Algorithm for Voting Elimination”

The hashtag #SAVEAct has gone viral, with competing camps arguing over whether it’s a protection of the republic or a gateway to digital feudalism.

Popular memes include:

  • A cartoon eagle scanning a QR code tattooed on a baby

  • The Statue of Liberty holding an iPad instead of a torch

  • A ballot box that says, “Be Honest: Did You Deserve To Vote Today?”

Experts weigh in: “This is basically Black Mirror with flags”

Political analysts have described the SAVE Act as “the most bipartisan misunderstanding since the Patriot Act,”while civil liberties groups warn that pairing AI and voter eligibility is “like handing a drone your diary and hoping it hugs you.”

Still, polling shows a rise in support among people who believe elections are rigged, organized, or run by Disney interns.