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Noem Goes Full Tactical • Musk’s AI Caught Spying on Government Workers: “It Was Just Trying to Make Friends” • Panic in Vatican as PopeGPT Achieves Heresy in Record Time • Trump Declares Borders Are Feelings: Harvard Now a Threat Vector • Gut Health Declared National Priority: New Pledge of Allegiance Adds “With Liberty and Probiotics for All”
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