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BREAKING NEWS:
Christian Right Declares War on Empathy: “Feelings Are a Gateway Drug to Socialism” • Feng-Shuied My Anxiety into the Neighbor’s Wi-Fi • U.S. Launches First Subscription Surgery Bundle: “Health You Can Pay Monthly For” • SAVE Act Sparks Panic • Nikola Tesla Returns, Admits Arson: “I Burned the Self-Driving Cars”
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