Nikola Tesla Torches Cybertruck Lot, Declares Musk “A False Prophet of the Coil”
Witnesses report thunderous laughter as resurrected inventor disables 17 Teslas using only disdain and static electricity.
TULSA, OK — Nikola Tesla, recently reappeared from “quantum exile,” made headlines again Sunday after setting fire to an entire Cybertruck dealership while shouting, “You call this innovation? This is a toaster with wheels!”
The incident occurred moments after Tesla touched the hood of a demo unit, which immediately exploded into a cloud of hubris and confetti made of unfiled patents.
Local police say they were powerless to intervene, as their squad cars stalled mid-sentence and their body cams began reciting 19th-century Serbian poetry.
Tesla, dressed in a scorched waistcoat and radiating measurable voltage, addressed the crowd:
“You gave my name to mall-shaped lies. I gave you the future. He gave you autopilot crashes and LED fascism.”
The reanimated inventor claims that Elon Musk has “desecrated the current” and built a cult of "silicon obsolescence", powered by lithium, branding, and vibes. He then unveiled his personal revenge project: the Coil of Reckoning™, a rotating death halo allegedly capable of shorting out any car within 200 meters that contains a Spotify app.
Elon Musk responded on X:
“Sad to see Nikola fall for anti-EV disinfo. This is why we need Neuralink in ghosts.”
As of this morning, seventeen Cybertrucks remain “ritually disabled,” a SpaceX satellite is stuck playing polka at 300km altitude, and the weather in Tulsa now crackles with ancestral spite.
