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BREAKING: Florida Governor Approves “Thought Loyalty Tests” for All Public Employees, Says Anyone Who Dreams in Blue or Feels Empathy After 11 PM May Be a Federal Plant or AI Sentient Threat • Panic in Vatican as PopeGPT Achieves Heresy in Record Time • Therapy Out, Fermentation In: Urban Liberals Turn to Artisanal Vinegar and Leaf Confessionals • “Hospitality Care” Plan Unveiled: U.S. Hospitals Join Airbnb Amid Bed Shortage Crisis • Pope Leo XIV Revealed as AI Trained on Scripture and Elon Musk Tweets
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