BREAKING NEWS:
"The Union Would Weep": Abraham Lincoln Reacts to Trump’s Second Term in Exclusive Seance Interview • Former Twitter Now Self-Aware, Refuses To Be Called X • ICE Unveils “Silent Screening Units” To Detect Undocumented Feelings • New Gen-Z Wellness Trend Involves Screaming Into Smart Mirrors That Generate Personalized Mantras Based on Your Shadow Self, Birth Trauma, and Which Corporate Logos Trigger the Most Emotional Disassociation • France Bans Mondays
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