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New Government Program Accidentally Turns Entire Nation into Real-Life Episode of Black Mirror • Nintendo Announces New Console That Only Works When You're Sad • BREAKING: Vatican accidentally baptizes entire CERN particle accelerator. Water now considered conscious. • “Hospitality Care” Plan Unveiled: U.S. Hospitals Join Airbnb Amid Bed Shortage Crisis • Panic in Vatican as PopeGPT Achieves Heresy in Record Time
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