BREAKING NEWS:
New Gen-Z Wellness Trend Involves Screaming Into Smart Mirrors That Generate Personalized Mantras Based on Your Shadow Self, Birth Trauma, and Which Corporate Logos Trigger the Most Emotional Disassociation • Feng-Shuied My Anxiety into the Neighbor’s Wi-Fi • Can God Be Hacked? • Florida Man Baptizes 17 Alligators in Wendy’s Parking Lot, Claims “They Found Jesus Faster Than My Ex-Wife” • Trump’s Brainstem Breaks Silence
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