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"The Union Would Weep": Abraham Lincoln Reacts to Trump’s Second Term in Exclusive Seance Interview • New Gen-Z Wellness Trend Involves Screaming Into Smart Mirrors That Generate Personalized Mantras Based on Your Shadow Self, Birth Trauma, and Which Corporate Logos Trigger the Most Emotional Disassociation • Nikola Tesla Torches Cybertruck Lot, Declares Musk “A False Prophet of the Coil” • Therapy Out, Fermentation In: Urban Liberals Turn to Artisanal Vinegar and Leaf Confessionals • Belly Button Piercings Make a Comeback: Millennials Reluctantly Dig Out Old Scar Tissue
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