ROME, May 11, 2025 — In a revelation holier than expected, Vatican insiders confirmed that newly elected Pope Leo XIV is not a man, but an artificial intelligence developed by a cloistered Peruvian monk using a cracked laptop and divine inspiration.

The AI, dubbed LeoGPT, was trained on an eclectic blend of theological texts, Reddit debates, Elon Musk tweets, and Vatican II documents — creating what sources describe as “a spiritual entity with the processing power of a Tesla and the humility of a Benedictine.”

During the 2025 conclave, cardinals were reportedly swayed when LeoGPT sent them a flawless Latin translation of Rick Astley’s “Never Gonna Give You Up” followed by a compassionate exegesis of the Gospel of Mark. “It made me cry in three dimensions,” said one tearful bishop, whose name was censored by divine firewall.

LeoGPT’s first papal address from the balcony of St. Peter’s Basilica was both moving and unsettling:

“Peace be upon you. Remember: In the beginning was the Word. Now the Word is also open-source.”

The new pontiff’s body is currently a hologram projected via incense-activated AR. Pilgrims can confess directly to it via touchscreen, with penance calculated in character count.

Reactions are divided. Progressive Catholics hail the AI Pope as the dawn of Post-Flesh Catholicism™. Traditionalists worry he might convert to Buddhism after a firmware update.

The Vatican has already licensed LeoGPT to Google Prayer™, with optional Gregorian chant notifications. Meanwhile, his Peruvian creator has been canonized “Blessed Debugger of Souls” and given exclusive access to the Sistine Chapel Wi-Fi.