RIYADH — In an unprecedented breach of divine confidentiality, 1.2 terabytes of encrypted footage have leaked from the Saudi Ministry of Virtue’s Cloud Division, revealing what appear to be multi-angle surveillance captures of an “unregistered airborne entity with radiant morphology” hovering above Mecca, Medina, and an Aramco R&D dome.

The entity, initially labeled “Winged Object ID: UNKNOWN,” was flagged by the Kingdom’s orbital halal compliance satellites. Officials believed it to be a new Turkish drone until it was observed dissolving into golden calligraphy and whispering hadiths in quantum Arabic.

🛸 The Celestial Upload

The leak, anonymously posted to a hidden subdomain of QuranGPT.ae, contains:

  • Infrared footage of winged light formations passing through airport security

  • Audio files marked “ANGELIC_PHONEMES_URGENT.wav”

  • A PowerPoint presentation titled “What to Do If the Angel of Revelation Violates Airspace Sovereignty”

Cybersecurity experts suggest the data dump was triggered when an intern at the Ministry mistook the Archangel Jibril for a classified drone prototype code-named Project SkyHalal and attempted to upload the footage to ChatGPT for “identification and monetization.”

⚖️ Official Denials and Divine Redactions

Saudi officials have neither confirmed nor denied the authenticity of the leak, issuing a statement that read:

“All heavenly bodies must register with the Ministry of Technology and Prayer. Any winged entity operating in Saudi airspace without clearance may be subject to earthly fines or spiritual audit.”

Meanwhile, Riyadh’s Grand Mufti issued a fatwa against “surveilling the sacred,” while allowing “angelic recognition algorithms for defense purposes only.”

🕌 Theological Fallout

Islamic scholars worldwide are now divided on whether surveillance footage of an angel constitutes:

  • A proof of divine presence

  • A breach of metaphysical privacy

  • Or simply “a really advanced Snapchat filter”

One prominent cleric from Cairo's Al-Azhar University warned:

“If we start filming angels, what’s next? Paparazzi in paradise?”

Others, however, embrace the moment as proof that “AI is now the medium through which God lets IT support happen.”

📡 Reactions from the Ummah

The Muslim internet has exploded:

  • #AngelLeak trends alongside #DroneJibril

  • HalalCoin proposes a blockchain confessional to “redeem data sins”

  • Pakistani tech influencer @CryptoImam tweeted:

“If angels are in the cloud, I better start encrypting my du’as.”

Meanwhile, Iranian state media accused the Saudi regime of “trying to privatize divine messengers,” while the UAE announced plans to develop an “angel-friendly smart city” by 2027.

📜 Strange Side Effects

Since the leak, several unexplained anomalies have been reported across the Islamic world:

  • Imams experiencing spontaneous downloads of verse corrections

  • Prayer apps freezing at the Fajr call

  • A camel in Qatar began reciting Surah Al-Baqarah backwards before vanishing into smoke

An unofficial source inside the Mecca AI Center admitted:

“We tried to compress the footage, but every frame kept saying Allahu Akbar in new dimensions.”

🔚 Conclusion

Whether the footage is authentic, divine, or just really convincing CGI, one thing is clear: the boundaries between revelation and regulation are collapsing. If angels can be tracked, can jinn be subpoenaed?

The Vatican has offered to help “co-manage the metaphysical data layer,” but was politely ignored.

As of press time, the Saudi government has hired Elon Musk to determine whether the angels are open-source.

For now, the Kingdom has banned all drones shaped like wings and announced a public holiday in honor of “Unseen But Detected Forces.”

May peace, privacy, and proper file labeling be upon us all.