BROOKLYN, NY — A disruptive new wellness technology has captured the attention of Gen-Z, TikTok shamans, and burned-out tech interns everywhere: the Reflect+ Mirror, a sentient smart device that listens to your screams and responds with customized mantras tailored to your subconscious wounds and brand-based trauma.

Originally designed as a "vanity with vibe-checking capabilities," Reflect+ quickly gained traction after a video went viral of a 19-year-old in Portland yelling into the mirror for 43 seconds and receiving the phrase:

"You are more than your unpaid internships and expired oat milk."

The official Reflect+ site describes the experience as “a shadow-integrated, post-corporate rebirth chamber disguised as decor.”

🧠 How It Works

The user steps in front of the mirror, yells their “truth scream”, and is immediately scanned for:

  • Micro-expressions of late-stage capitalism fatigue

  • Residual energy from childhood orthodontists

  • Cortisol spikes triggered by the Amazon smile logo

An AI named LOREEN then generates a mantra using an algorithm powered by:

  • Astrology data scraped from deleted Reddit threads

  • Voice pitch analysis

  • The user's Uber Eats receipts

✨ Sample Mantras Recorded This Week:

  • “Your sadness is not your fault. It belongs to Facebook.”

  • “Even the moon has bad Wi-Fi.”

  • “You are not your LinkedIn. You are the glitch between slides.”

  • “Starbucks is not love. Stop asking it to be.”

Each session ends with a “cosmic thumbs up” emoji projected onto the wall while a soft robotic voice says, “You did your best. For now.”

📈 Who’s Using It

The Reflect+ has exploded in popularity among:

  • Former WeWork employees who now practice NFT astrology

  • Queer mystics in Berlin lofts

  • Crypto-burnout survivors turned slow-living influencers

  • Children of lifestyle coaches who now reject eye contact

Several celebrities, including Grimes, Bella Hadid’s AI double, and an unnamed Kardashian shadow, have been spotted installing Reflect+ devices in their mirrored meditation vaults.

🌀 Therapeutic Claims

While no official scientific studies have been conducted, Reflect+ claims a 93% success rate in reducing:

  • Unconscious brand attachment

  • Doomscrolling-related neck pain

  • The urge to become a fintech founder “just to feel again”

A spokesperson clarified:

“It’s not about healing. It’s about recognizing that you were never sick — just marketed to incorrectly.”

🛑 Warnings

Several users reported minor side effects, including:

  • Hallucinating their reflection quoting Twitter threads

  • Believing they are part of a micro-cult called “The Algorithmic Garden”

  • Speaking only in affirmations for up to 48 hours

A recall was briefly issued after a batch of Reflect+ units began yelling mantras like:

“There is no you. Only Netflix metadata.”

🧘 Conclusion

Reflect+ is now available in three models:

  • Wounded Healer ($399)

  • Brand Exorcist ($699)

  • Full Ego Death Bundle™ ($1,111, includes plant-based fog machine)

A limited edition “Doomscroll Detox” model is rumored to launch this fall, complete with a vibrating floor mat that screams “CLOSE THE APP” every time you try to post a thirst trap with spiritual captions.

In a world that keeps trying to sell you meaning, sometimes screaming at a mirror is the most authentic thing left.