BREAKING NEWS:
ICE Unveils “Silent Screening Units” To Detect Undocumented Feelings • Fur and Fury: Lab Mice Exposed to 4chan Begin Hoarding Beans, Quoting Conspiracies • Pope Leo XIV Revealed as AI Trained on Scripture and Elon Musk Tweets • Trump Suspends All Tariffs Except China’s: “Everyone Can Kiss My Ass—Except Xi, He Can Wait in Line” • The Empathy Fugitive: How One ICE Agent Felt Something and Had to Flee
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