BREAKING NEWS:
EXCLUSIVE!!! Alien MAGA Issues Final Warning: “You’ve Been Very Nasty. Now Kiss Our Glorious Galactic Ass or Go to Greenland!” • Belichick’s Girlfriend Enters Miss Maine Pageant: “I Just Want a Ring He’ll Actually Give Me” • Tesla Rapture • U.S. and Iran to Restart Nuclear Talks in Oman: “Nothing Says Peace Like a Neutral Desert and a Thousand Microphones” • Musk Fires Himself for Incompetence, Replaced by AI That Hates Him
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