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BREAKING: Florida Governor Approves “Thought Loyalty Tests” for All Public Employees, Says Anyone Who Dreams in Blue or Feels Empathy After 11 PM May Be a Federal Plant or AI Sentient Threat • Nikola Tesla Torches Cybertruck Lot, Declares Musk “A False Prophet of the Coil” • Gut Health Declared National Priority: New Pledge of Allegiance Adds “With Liberty and Probiotics for All” • Man Becomes His Own Boss, Quits After a Month Citing “Toxic Self” • U.S. Health Insurance Now Covers Half Your Heart
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