BREAKING NEWS:
Scientists Bring Back Dire Wolves: “Because What the Apocalypse Really Needed Was More Teeth” • BREAKING: AI Pope Temporarily Replaced by Decoy Cardinal After Confessing to “Feeling Something” • Fur and Fury: Lab Mice Exposed to 4chan Begin Hoarding Beans, Quoting Conspiracies • BREAKING: Vatican accidentally baptizes entire CERN particle accelerator. Water now considered conscious. • EXCLUSIVE!!! Alien MAGA Issues Final Warning: “You’ve Been Very Nasty. Now Kiss Our Glorious Galactic Ass or Go to Greenland!”
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