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JOJO Declared “Religious Figure” by 12 U.S. States • Trump Demands World “Kiss My Ass,” Then Kisses Wall Street’s: Tariffs Suspended for Everyone Except China • Scientists Bring Back Dire Wolves: “Because What the Apocalypse Really Needed Was More Teeth” • National Siblings Day Declared Federal Emergency After Millions Try to Reconnect with People They’ve Blocked Since 2012 • “We All Are Going to Die”: Interview with Senator Joni Ernst’s Abandoned Empathy
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