BREAKING NEWS:
Radicalized Lawn Gnome Declares Suburban Insurgency After HOA Crackdown • BREAKING: Florida Governor Approves “Thought Loyalty Tests” for All Public Employees, Says Anyone Who Dreams in Blue or Feels Empathy After 11 PM May Be a Federal Plant or AI Sentient Threat • Israel Accidentally Declares Itself a Religion After National Identity Database Crashes into Digital Torah Prototype • CIA Intern Leaks Nuclear Codes on 4chan Fitness Board, Chaos Ensues • Gun & Geometry: Florida School Launches Revolutionary STEM-and-Shoot Curriculum
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