News so fake, it might as well be real

BREAKING NEWS:
Harvard Closes Its Gates. China Offers Wi-Fi, Dumplings, and Tenure • Trump Suspends All Tariffs Except China’s: “Everyone Can Kiss My Ass—Except Xi, He Can Wait in Line” • Trump Declares Nap Time Mandatory • MAGA in the Mirror: When Trump and Musk Divorce, Who Gets Custody of the Base? • Apple Unveils Smart Doorbell with Face ID: “If We Can Unlock Your Phone, Why Not Your House?”
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