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Christian Right Declares War on Empathy: “Feelings Are a Gateway Drug to Socialism” • Scientists Bring Back Dire Wolves: “Because What the Apocalypse Really Needed Was More Teeth” • Trump Offers “Trump Tower Mecca™” in Exchange for Qatari Jet, Sparks Holy Real Estate Diplomacy • U.S. Health Insurance Now Covers Half Your Heart • Viewers Mistake “Yellowjackets” for Real Historical Event, Demand Government Apology for 1996 Cannibalism Cover-Up
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