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Radicalized Lawn Gnome Declares Suburban Insurgency After HOA Crackdown • Scientists Bring Back Dire Wolves: “Because What the Apocalypse Really Needed Was More Teeth” • NJ Woman Tries to Hire Hitman Online: “Does Yelp Have a Hit Section or...?” • Trump Slaps Tariffs on Everything That Isn't Trump: “Oxygen Will Be Taxed Unless Inhaled Through My Bronze” • Nintendo Announces New Console That Only Works When You're Sad
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