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National Siblings Day Declared Federal Emergency After Millions Try to Reconnect with People They’ve Blocked Since 2012 • Belichick’s Girlfriend Enters Miss Maine Pageant: “I Just Want a Ring He’ll Actually Give Me” • Belly Button Piercings Make a Comeback: Millennials Reluctantly Dig Out Old Scar Tissue • Kindergarten Launches 'Nap & Carry' Program to Prepare Tots for “Real-World Recess” • Israel Accidentally Declares Itself a Religion After National Identity Database Crashes into Digital Torah Prototype
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