WASHINGTON, D.C. — What began as a well-meaning annual holiday meant to celebrate sibling love has quickly spiraled into what FEMA is now calling “an emotionally unstable humanitarian incident.”

#NationalSiblingsDay, traditionally marked by filtered Instagram posts and performative nostalgia, took a dark turn this year after millions of Americans attempted to reconnect with brothers and sisters they haven’t spoken to since the Obama administration.

“We underestimated how many of these relationships are... let’s say, ‘frosty,’” said Dr. Ellie Tanner of the National Institute of Familial Studies. “Turns out, sending ‘Happy Siblings Day!’ with a smile emoji to someone you once tried to get legally disinherited is not always well received.”

“Hope You’re Well” Is the New Threat

According to emergency hotlines, the most reported phrase on April 10 was, “Hey, just saw it’s Siblings Day... hope you’re well?”—a phrase now classified by psychologists as a weaponized form of emotional ambiguity.

By 2 PM EST, over 17 million texts had been sent containing the words “remember that time,” followed by either passive nostalgia or unresolved trauma.

One North Carolina woman, 34, was admitted to urgent care after her brother replied to her heartfelt Siblings Day post with nothing but a thumbs-up. She’s expected to recover, but her therapist is “on vacation indefinitely.”

Instagram Celebrates, Reality Crumbles

While social media was flooded with adorable throwback photos of siblings smiling in coordinated overalls, the real-world interactions were more chaotic.

In Boise, Idaho, two adult brothers attempted to re-create a childhood photo, only to end up in a parking lot argument over who actually broke their dad’s Atari in 1997. Police were called. No injuries reported.

In Los Angeles, an influencer was hospitalized after hugging her estranged sister for a sponsored Reel and whispering, “We’ll edit out the part where I said I hope you choke on your karma.”

Government Response: “Please Just Call Your Therapist Instead”

In response to the national emotional spike, the Department of Mental Health has issued a statement urging Americans to limit contact with estranged siblings to no more than 280 characters at a time, preferably with disclaimers like “no offense if you don’t respond.”

The White House has declined to comment on whether President Trump (version 3.0) plans to issue a National Siblings Day executive order, though a leaked memo suggests Melania’s spokesperson has blocked her sister “out of respect.”

Therapists Launch New Hotline: 1-800-NOT-TODAY

Mental health professionals nationwide are bracing for a spike in appointments following what many are calling “the Hallmark PTSD Trigger of the Year.”

A new wellness app called Boundaree™ has launched a filter that replaces “Siblings Day” with “Spring Appreciation Day” to avoid panic attacks.

Meanwhile, the Vatican has unofficially urged followers to “love thy sibling, but only as much as you can tolerate their political Facebook posts.”