BROOKLYN, NY — In a bold move that redefines both wellness and collapse, 32-year-old content strategist-turned-mystic Clara Venn announced she is no longer "burned out" but "energetically realigned with universal depletion."

Her TikTok video, titled “Burnout is My Religion Now”, has racked up 4.7 million views. Sitting in a salt bath surrounded by expired CBD candles, Venn explained that her inability to respond to emails or experience linear time is “not failure, but transcendence.”

"I stopped working because capitalism is a cult," she whispered. "Then I stopped meditating because mindfulness was trying to recruit me."

Clara now offers 1-on-1 Soul Exhaustion Coaching for $399 per hour. Clients receive affirmations like:

“You are not procrastinating. You are resisting in sacred stillness.”

Medical experts were unavailable for comment, as most were reportedly attending Venn’s new retreat, “Crackling Silence: A Weekend of Screensavers and Crying.”

Meanwhile, critics argue her teachings are just laziness in vintage robes. Venn responded by blinking slowly and vanishing into a lavender fog